Monday, 27 February 2006
@ 10.45 pm
Back to reality
Isn't funny how if someone is just on the edge of your hearing, it's really hard to tell whether they're laughing or crying?
The last two months have been totally exhausting. Emotionally, physcially, everything. A lot has happened, most of it great to be honest, but now the two things I've poured my emotional all into since New Year's onwards have both evapourated into thin air in quick succession, and it's left me somewhat, um, empty? Dislocated? Something like that. Definitely sad, anyway.
One, the show, was an unbridled success in pretty much all ways. It has consumed me like nothing before, (comparable perhaps to that last month or two of honours? Although I got more sleep during honours...) and I'm extremely proud of the final result, happy with the part I played, and with the friends I made along the way. There is always a feeling of profound loss when a show ends (mingled with relief that things are about to return to "normal", whatever that is), the bigger the show, the bigger the feeling. This one was a huge show.
The second, an almost-but-not-quite-relationship, has ended as I predicted it would. Unfortunately, the almost-but-not-quite-breakup has hit me a lot harder than I thought it was going to, and although I know that it's nigh on impossible to separate my emotional reaction to it from the general downer of the show finishing right now, one thing I do know is that the whole thing still sucks mightily. And no, knowing that it's almost certainly the correct thing to be doing, especially when considering long term plans, is actually not that helpful on the whole feeling happy about it front.
So, in a word: pants.
But, the sunset today (a perfect nor'west arch) made up for almost all of the day's general suckness, and the preceeding two months have for the most part been pretty fab, and the next few I suspect will be cool in many new and exciting ways. Time for a party! Ben and Karen, I reckon your new flat needs a damn good warming up...
